A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The shop assistants called for an ambulance when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency Open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to Pay for his treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the Irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God!"
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law!"
There was a English painter named Robin, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Local Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of their large building.
Robin put in a bid, & because his price was so low, he got the job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding & setting up the planks & buying the paint & yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with water.
Well, Robin was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, & the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church, & knocking Robin clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by tell tale puddles of the thinned & useless paint.
Robin was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
so he got down on his knees & cried:
"Oh, God, please forgive me; what can I do to make amends?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...
"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
Joker a chara: Brilliant, once again. It's great to know that every joke you send along is a very good one.
The Prince of Wales was driving around his Mother's estate one day when he accidentally ran over her most prized corgi dog.
The poor unfortunate dog was crushed to a pulp! The Prince got out of his car, sat down on the grass, and started crying. The whole world was already against him and now his mother would be furious.
Suddenly he noticed a lamp half buried near his foot. He dug up the lamp and polished it. Low and behold, all of a sudden, a genie appeared.
"You've freed the genie from the lamp from thousands and thousands of years of imprisonment, and for freeing me I will grant you one wish". "WOW!!!!" said the prince, this could really save my neck. "Well I have all the money and material things that I need, but let me show you this dog".
The Prince and the genie walked over to the splattered remains of the dog. "Do you think you can bring this dog back to life?", asked the Prince. The Genie looked carefully at the remains and gently shook his head.
"This body is far too gone for even me to bring him back to life, isn't there anything else you would like instead?"
The Prince thought for a moment, then reached into his pocket and pulled out two photographs.
"I used to be married to this beautiful woman called Diana", said the Prince showing the genie the first photograph, "but now I am married to this woman called Camilla, do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana?"
The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few moments said, "Let's have another look at that dog!"
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you,
One for me...'
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'
The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, One for me.'
The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all.. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done....
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
way to go
helps with all this snow
took the cake
is next in line
keep them coming
for they are stunning.
Hi Joker, I just love this joke. Your jokes just get funnier and funnier. Keep them coming. They make my day.
Hi Rusty, Nice poem. You should share more of them with us.
Two young women and an older senior citizen woman were sitting naked in a sauna, when suddenly there was a beeping sound.
A young woman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped, she said sorry that was my Pager; I have a microchip set under the skin of my arm.
A few minutes later a phone rang and the second woman lifted the palm of her hand to her ear and began talking into her hand. When she finished she explained, "that was my mobile phone; I have a microchip inserted in the palm of my hand."
The older woman felt very low tech, but not to be out done she decided she had to do something! She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom returning with a piece of paper sticking out of her bum.
The younger women raised their eye brows in amazement and stared at her.
Finally, the older woman spoke and without missing a beat said, "Well, just look at that, I'm receiving a Fax!"