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DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! I thought you were driving?"

Re: 9 MONTHS LATER...

He had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
" Why, I've been to the pub of course," Slurs the drunk.
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest,
"that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Re: 9 MONTHS LATER...

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

Re: 9 MONTHS LATER...

Hi Joker and all.
A wee boy just starting to notice the things of life that surround him asked his dad about creation and how we came to be, his dad thought for a moment and replied. well, One day God as part of creation decided to make a man and a women.
The man was called Adam and the woman was called Eve, Adam and Eve got married and had many children and in turn the children had children and this has kept on going right up to the present and we are their descendants.
The wee boy was not entirely satisfied with this explanation and after a few days of thinking about his dad's answer, decided to ask his mum the same question.
Her reply was even more confusing, when she told him about this man called Darwin and how he said we evolved through the passage of time and that our ancestors were actually monkeys.
Well the wee boy was so confused now that he went back to his dad and told his dad what his mum had said and asked his dad to explain.
His dad thought for a moment, then smiled and said...... well Son when I explained about creation I was only talking about my side of the family....

Re: 9 MONTHS LATER...

Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey. As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, "Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife".

Mongrel says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.

Bluey says, "Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?"

"Coot's wife gave it to me," Mongrel replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?"