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He had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
" Why, I've been to the pub of course," Slurs the drunk.
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest,
"that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'


Hi Joker and all.
A wee boy just starting to notice the things of life that surround him asked his dad about creation and how we came to be, his dad thought for a moment and replied. well, One day God as part of creation decided to make a man and a women.
The man was called Adam and the woman was called Eve, Adam and Eve got married and had many children and in turn the children had children and this has kept on going right up to the present and we are their descendants.
The wee boy was not entirely satisfied with this explanation and after a few days of thinking about his dad's answer, decided to ask his mum the same question.
Her reply was even more confusing, when she told him about this man called Darwin and how he said we evolved through the passage of time and that our ancestors were actually monkeys.
Well the wee boy was so confused now that he went back to his dad and told his dad what his mum had said and asked his dad to explain.
His dad thought for a moment, then smiled and said...... well Son when I explained about creation I was only talking about my side of the family....


Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey. As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, "Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife".

Mongrel says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.

Bluey says, "Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?"

"Coot's wife gave it to me," Mongrel replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?"