A comment I overheard in St.Georges market on Sunday last during the Christmas rush.
"She's a 1690 woman"
"What's a 1690 woman" asks his mate.
"She's 16 from the back and 90 from the front" came his mates reply.

A man goes in to sign on the dole in Corporation Street as he has done for the past number of years.Thinking it would smart to impress his dole clerk,he says "I'm sick signing on here,please,please get me a job"
The clerk looks up at him and,keeping a straight face,says "I think that I might have just the job for you,it's as a chaffeur to a very wealthy local businessman driving his boss round in his brand new Mercedes,5 day week 9am to 5pm,strictly Monday to Friday,no weekend work,8 weeks paid holiday a year,uniform provided.Wages £1500 a week plus generous meal allowances and with an immediate start.
The man nearly jumps out of his chair but he then notices a tiny smile on the dole clerk's face and he says angrily to the clerk "You're only taking a hand out of me,you so and so"
The clerk looks him in the eye and says "YOU STARTED IT FIRST"