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On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you,
One for me...'
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'
The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, One for me.'
The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all.. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done....
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him. 
Two young women and an older senior citizen woman were sitting naked in a sauna, when suddenly there was a beeping sound.
A young woman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped, she said sorry that was my Pager; I have a microchip set under the skin of my arm.
A few minutes later a phone rang and the second woman lifted the palm of her hand to her ear and began talking into her hand. When she finished she explained, "that was my mobile phone; I have a microchip inserted in the palm of my hand."
The older woman felt very low tech, but not to be out done she decided she had to do something! She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom returning with a piece of paper sticking out of her bum.
The younger women raised their eye brows in amazement and stared at her.
Finally, the older woman spoke and without missing a beat said, "Well, just look at that, I'm receiving a Fax!"